No Way To Say
by 7x7chan
Summary: During the Christmas Holidays, Hermione gets herself into a situation where she keeps avoiding Harry and her feelings. Meanwhile, Harry claims to have a girlfriend...
1. No Way to Say

**Title: **_No Way To Say_**  
Pairing: **_Harry/Hermione_**  
Song: **_No Way To Say_**  
Artist: **_Ayumi Hamasaki_**  
Author: **_Nanja_**  
Disclaimer: **_I do not own Harry Potter, etc. That's J.K. Rowling's brilliant masterpiece and I thank her again for her brilliant work!_**  
A/N: **_*takes a deep breath* I was inspired by the wonderfull music of Ayumi once again, listening only to instrumental versions lately. Kudos to Nikki (and her crush) who gave me the brilliant inspiration! _

**  
  
  
**The snow was falling down in such a beautiful gentle way, covering every inch of the Hogwarts grounds, that it was almost cruel. There where once stood flowers, there where once lay grass, now lay white snow that was illuminated by the morning sunrayes. The snow was still fresh, no one had walked on it yet and left their footsteps.   
The Great Hall was not crowded, as usually was the case, but almost completely abandoned. Of course, this was due the Christmas Holidays, which most students spend at their homes, but some couldn't return.  
  
Hermione played with her food. Uninterested and not at all appealed by it, she used her fork to make holes in the egg on her plate. She had been awake all night, wondering about so many things she couldn't even remember now, automatically making them unimportant and boring topics. She'd rather not think of anything, she'd rather just sleep during the night, but some part of her made her believe it was important to ponder about her life. She looked round. The only people having breakfast in the Great Hall as well, were Cho Chang and some of her Ravenclaw friends. She sighed. She knew she should've waited untill Harry, Ron or Ginny had finished sleeping.  
  
Half an hour later, Hermione was no longer alone. Ginny had joined her and was talking about how excited she was for the snowball fight Gryffindor house had challenged Slytherin for. Hermione did not even have to look who then sat down next to her, because her heart gave a  strange, unpleasant jump. Harry.  
  
"Good morning!" he grinned. Ginny simply returned the greeting. Hermione bit her tongue and managed a weak smile.

**_~The old wound left on me  
begins to ache,   
I hide my trembling heart again  
and pretend to smile~ _**

Ron joined the table almost at the same time, but the time between the moment Harry had greeted and the moment he joined, seemed to as long as forever to Hermione. Thank God, she thought, they weren't asking how she felt.  
  
Ginny and Ron couldn't stop talking about the snowfight and Harry was staring at his pumpkinjuice with great interest. "Why isn't it orange?" he suddenly asked her.  
  
"Hmmm?" Hermione replied with such a tone as if she had just been woken up.  
  
"Why isn't it orange? The pumpkinjuice I mean. Pumpkins are orange, why isn't the juice?" Harry asked again.

Hermione stared blankly at the juice in the glass. "Uhmm..." she tried, but the words didn't come.   
  
"Because they made it another color, that's why. Now, drink it up and come outside!" Ron urged.  
  
Harry drank the juice without paying anymore attention to Hermione, who was still staring at him with a blank expression and followed Ron and Ginny outside.   
  
"Come on, Hermione!" yelled Ginny at her and she teared her eyes off of the now empty air in front of her.   
  
"I'll be right there!" she replied and stood up, making sure Harry had already left the Hall before she walked towards Ginny.

**_~Even in my age now, I'm the same as before   
As timid as before   
I only learn how to pretend to be strong~_**

Outside, the illuminated white snow had been removed from the paths. Hermione followed Ginny towards a huge heap of snow, behind which Harry, Ron, Seamus and Dean were hiding. Hermione had no time to wonder why they were hiding, because at that exact moment, someone hit her with a snowball on the back of her head.  
  
Harry laughed at her. She became red. Great, she thought, I get hit in front of _him_ of all people! She turned around, looking into the face of Crabbe. Or Goyle. She could never keep them apart.   
  
"CRABBE!" shouted Draco, "get your butt over here!"

Oh, so it was Crabbe, though Hermione. Well, Mr. Crabbe had better do as Draco ordered, because she was going to get her revenge. Being around Harry all day was embarrassing enough and being embarrassed in front of him was even worse!  
  
Another snowball came her direction. This time she was prepared and she duck aside.   
  
"THANK YOU ... !" she heard Ron growl behind her.  

She turned round. "No problem!" she replied cheerfully. Boy, was she feeling charged right now.   
  
Ron hit her in the face with a snowball that had been meant for Draco. "Ha! Ha!" he added triumphantically.  His victory didn't last long enough for him to enjoy it much, because he got hit in the face as well, by Harry.  
  
"That is for being such a git. Hermione's one of our team, remember?" he added.

Hermione surpressed a shriek, but in the same time she hiccoughed, giving as result a strange, high noise. She wanted to say 'thank you' or at least 'thanks', but all she could do was make funny noises and stare into the complete opposite direction.

**_~Though my heart is filled with feelings to convey   
You see, I can't change them into words well~_**

Ron stared at Harry with a blank expression and threw a snowball into Goyle's direction. He missed. Seamus and Dean had made a huge snowball together, large enough to fully cover one person in length and they lifted it together, ready to throw it at Draco, when suddenly Ron tripped after getting hit. He fell and took Dean and Seamus with him, causing the large snowball to fly out of their hands and land on top of Harry and Hermione, who both were completely focused in staring at the distance.

Hermione wanted to cry out 'NO!' but her voice was muffled by the snow. Harry covered his face with his arms just in time. 

Hermione quickly tried to push away the snow that lay on top of her, but it was surprisingly heavy. She then came to realise, Harry had fallen on top of her and she started to hyperventilate.   
  
"No ... no, no, no!" she repeated, while pushing off the snow and suddenly Harry's face became visible. His eyes seem to penetrate hers and she shook her head fanatically, while crawling away from him.  
  
Harry stood up and shook off the snow. He stared at Hermione with a puzzled expression, unsure why she had reacted that way.  
  
Hermione did not stare back at him and began talking to Ginny about the weather. Curse you, Hermione Jane Granger! she told herself, trying to ignore the fact that Harry was still staring at her.  
**_  
~If I had not met you   
I wouldn't even have such an embarrassing pain ~_**

She quickly ended the conversation with the bemused Ginny and made her way back inside Hogwarts as fast as she was possible. She tried to think of one of those unimportant topics she was ponding about at night, but all she could think of was Harry and the fact he had just been on top of her. Together with a large amount of snow. She angrily entered the dormitories where she fell on her bed. Hopeless.

After a while, she got bored just thinking about how hopeless the situation was and she discovered the left window had a perfect view on the snowfight.   
  
Suddenly, she sat up straight. Someone, a girl, was attacking Harry by putting a lot of snow in his hair. She blinked and narrowed her eyes. The girl was Cho Chang. 

**_~Little by little, I've come to realize   
 that it's no use   
fearing a future I can't refuse ~_**

Hermione sighed and sank back onto her bed. So, here she was. The big baby. The goody-two-shoes, while Cho was having fun with Harry. Cho, of all girls in the world it had to be _Cho_. Another sigh escaped her lips and she closed her eyes for a split second. What was she going to do when she saw him again, later this day? Had he even noticed she had left so quickly because of him? Had he even noticed she had started a completely random conversation with Ginny?  
  
Did she have the courage to face him again? Maybe she had to act as if she was completely unaware of the whole situation. She stared into the mirror. Could she? Could she pretend as if there had happened nothing?  
  
If she had such courage, wouldn't it be wiser to tell him her true feelings?

**_~How much more courage do I need   
To say with my head held high   
"This is the only important thing to me" ?~_**

****Angry, she threw her pillow against the opposite wall. It wouldn't matter anyway, because she was Hermione Granger, best friend of Harry Potter, one of the trio, certainly not more than a friend. Well, one friend she was! Lately, she had only been running, stumbling and making mistakes, in everything and really opposite of her usual personality.  
  
Never tell him, she told herself, it will only make things worse. With a last look at of the window, she left the room for the Library, trying to pick up her old habbit of being 'just Hermione, best friend of Harry Potter', the girl who did not run, did not stumble and did not make mistakes.

**_~Though I have firm feelings   
You see, I can't change them into words as usual ~_**

Harry entered the Gryffindor common room, expecting to find Hermione there. He didn't and so he left again.  
**  
~_Everyone is living this way   
With feelings they can't express_ ~******

**A/N: **First chapter people! Let me know what you think! Next chapter up in a few days! - Nanja


	2. Powder Snow

**Title: **_No Way To Say_**  
Pairing: **_Harry/Hermione_**  
Song: **_Powder Snow_**  
Artist: **_Ayumi Hamasaki_**  
Author: **_Nanja_**  
Disclaimer: **_I do not own Harry Potter, etc. That's J.K. Rowling's brilliant masterpiece and I thank her again for her brilliant work!_**  
A/N: **_Thanks for the reviews! Really sweet of you all! I'm sorry __The-biggist-Harry-Potter-fan__, that I didn't say what year they were in. This takes place after the fourth year, because the death of Sirius wouldn't really fit in the story. Neither would Harry's short relationship with Cho. Love you all, please review again! And kudos to Nikki and the wonderfull soundtrack of Wolf's Rain!___

**  
  
  
**Hermione turned the page of "Perfect Potions for Pesky Persons" while taking a quick look at the clock. It was almost time for dinner, but she did not feel like going. Outside, a strong wind raged and caused students to come back inside. She shivered. Tomorrow night would be the Christmas dinner and ball, and she was not looking foward to it.  
  
Someone entered the library. At first, Hermione didn't want to look who entered, but as she couldn't focus on her book anyway, she looked over her shoulder. It was Cho Chang, surprisingly alone. She smiled at Hermione and Hermione forced a smile back. It was not that she hated Cho, it was more because of her mood that she could not even smile back normally.   
  
Cho sat down in the corner opposite of her. Hermione started reading in her book again, but it took her five more minutes to realise she had been reading the same sentence over and over again. She felt being looked at and closed the book. Cho was staring at her and she did not like it. She was not going to talk to her and so she stood up and left the library.

**_~I want to be left alone.  
I want to escape to a place where no one knows me.~_**

****

The corridors were crowded and Hermione quickly made her way through all the students without noticing that some of them said hello. She wanted to go to the Gryffindor common room, but before she could, someone grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the Great Hall. It was Ginny.  
  
"Hey!" Hermione protested, when Ginny put some food on her plate.   
  
"Wrong word. You haven't been eating at all lately," Ginny said worried and gave a quick nod saying Hermione should eat.

"I am just not hungry," Hermione said as she stood up again.  
  
"Leaving so soon?" Ron suddenly said from behind her.

****

Hermione did not say anything, sighed and sat down again. Ron joined them. Harry was nowhere to be found.

"Where's Harry?" Ginny asked, as if she could read Hermione's mind. Ron shrugged.  
  
"He went to find Cho, she's leaving today, for christmas."  
  
"I thought she wouldn't go home?" Ginny replied, pouring in some tea for herself and Hermione, who didn't really look as if she wanted some. Ron started on his chips.

"She is now. He's upset," Ron said between chews.

Something snapped inside Hermione. She drank some of her tea rather fast, ignoring the fact it was burning her tongue. Ginny stared at her.  
  
"You can tell us you know," she said, returning her attention to her own tea.  
  
Ron raised his eyebrows. "She can tell us what?"  
  
Hermione put down her tea and stood up again, but Ron grabbed her arm and pulled her back on the bench. "I'm not telling you anything," Hermione snapped.  
  
"Then I'm gonna tell what I think is wrong with you," Ginny decided.  
  
Ron crossed his arms and stared at Hermione for a while, frowned and nodded at Ginny. "Tell me, I can't figure it out."  
  
Hermione shook her head, but Ginny did not pay attention to that. "She loves Harry."  
  
Ron dropped his jaw, Hermione knocked over her tea and Ginny crossed her arms triumphantically.   
  
"You DON'T!" Ron belowed.  
  
Some students in the Great Hall looked round at him. He stood up. "You can't, I mean, HARRY! Not, ... I mean ..." Ron turned around and walked out.

Hermione stared at the stains the tea had made. Ginny stared at her. She stood up and walked away as well. Their conversation was finished.**__**

~That I'm wrong about that, that it's my fault,  
is all my heart has. I don't need tomorrow.~

****

Hermione made her way outside, into the chilly, dark evening. Snow was falling down and covered her footprints. So Harry loved Cho. She smiled bitterly. There had been so many hints towards it and yet she hadn't seen it. How stupid of her to think Harry would ever look at her, the Muggle, the smartass, the one who was always there for him ... It was not fair.   
  
She walked around the frozen lake. It was a long path to walk, but she didn't mind. She didn't care if it was past the allowed time to be outside. She knew just what she was going to see when she'd return early: Harry, upset because Cho left.  
  
She turned the corner and left the path by walking into the forest. Through the trees she could see the dark, starless sky reflect on the frozen surface of the lake. A terrible feeling entered her heart and she tried to prevent her tears from falling by staring up at the sky.**__**

**_  
~Can I cry as much as I want to? Until my tears wither away...~_**

****

"So she's gone now?" Ginny asked Harry, when they entered the Gryffindor common room together with Ron.   
  
"She is," Harry answered short and sat down.

"So you're sad about that?" Ron said without any compassion.  
  
Harry frowned at him and Ginny sighed. "Ron, just because Herm-"  
  
"Shut up about her," Ron cut her off. 

"What happened?" Harry asked bemused, sitting up straight.

"Nothing," replied Ron.

Hermione walked and walked, deeper into the forest, losing sight of the lake and barely seeing the sky because of the trees that seemed to cover up all sight. Tears were streaming down her face, shakingly she turned around to find out where she had come from, but darkness had covered her way. Because of that, she hardly noticed it had started to snow again. 

**_  
~The white snow flows and muffles my tears.  
Please help me.~  
  
_**

"So what is it with you and Cho?" Ginny asked after a long silent period had passed.

Harry looked up at her. He really wasn't in the mood for this. "We're a couple," he answered simply.

Ron frowned surprised. "Are you a couple? Since when? Did you kiss?"

Harry laughed and Ginny pressed her lips together while narrowing her eyes. "You have no idea about Hermione, have you?" she suddenly asked.

Ron sighed and Harry raised his eyebrows in question.

"I think you should talk to her." With that, Ginny stood up and left.

Finally back on the path, Hermione slowed her pace down. A cold wind blew in her face, playing with her hair and the snow. Allthough she rather contradicted with her feelings, she knew it was better now Ginny and Ron both knew of her crush. Even though sometimes Ron could be completely inpenetrable, she knew he would not hate her for long. After all, it wasn't her choice to fall in love with Harry ...**__**

**_  
~I don't have even one regret.  
I've always been living in the present~_**

****

As if the snow was her new accession, she made a cup of her hands and watched snowflakes melt. She hypothesized that would happen to her love as well, slowely melt away. She let out a long and deep sigh and felt relieved nobody could hear her. It was such a strange feeling she had, love, as if it was totally different from what she had heard about it and read about it, as if it was a new feeling not yet discovered nor given a name. An abstruse, secret feeling she needed to hide and keep for herself.

But she hadn't. She started doubting wheter it was better that Ginny and Ron now knew about it... strange, how her mind could change over such things. They just knew, there was nothing to do about it, she had to stop complaining about that. But why was she so afraid, so timid about it? A little voice in her head had answered that already; 'they might tell him, they might tell him...' She shivered. She had to get back to Hogwarts and try to keep Harry from the truth. He should not know, he really shouldn't. And if he knew already, she'd just make up she didn't feel that way about him anymore.**__**

**_  
~So that I don't leave even a single trace or footprint,  
The candle melts down, this light is extinguished.~  
  
_**

Her walk back to the castle was restless. Snow fell down at high speed and seemed to make everything to look so innocent, so innocent she felt guilty walking through it and disturbing it's peace.   
  
What if they had told them already? She asked herself again, completely ignoring she had already found a solution to that. She was confusing herself, something that rarely happened. She kicked the snow in front of her. This was not helping her, all this was only making her more angry and confused. She looked around. The peacefull frozen lake and the white snow contrasted sharply with the dark sky, so much it hurt her eyes. She wished she could be part of that peace.

**_  
~Can I scream at the top of my lungs? Until my voice withers away.  
The white snow will forgive me for everything.  
Please.~  
  
_**

She stared in front of her. Hogwarts was ahead. Illuminated by fireflies and other creatures of the night that had the ability to light up. She grinned for no reason. Her head was light and she felt as if she could do whatever she wanted. Nobody was looking anyway. Nobody cared, she would never get herself into trouble. Everyone knew she wouldn't, after all, she was goody-two-shoes Hermione. PREFECT Hermione.   
  
She sighed at prefect. Why couldn't it be perfect?

Suddenly she stopped walking and stared at the lake. It was almost fully covered in snow now and was a breathtaking sight, sparkling and reflecting stars from the sky.  Everything looked so much more peacefull and beautiful when covered in snow.

**_~I spread my arms wide. I just want to gather the shining snow.  
But why? It's so fleeting...~  
  
_**

She walked on. It was getting to cold to linger.

But her thoughts lingered. Thoughts about peace, love and thoughts about snow. How peacefull she wanted to feel, she needed to feel ... Love made her confused and timid, unable to breathe properly and unable to think straight.   
  
She felt like crying again.**__**

**_  
~Can I cry as much as I want to? Until my tears wither away.  
The white snow flows and muffles my tears.~_**

****

But she didn't. Not again. Not now. Certainly not now. 

Being a girl sometimes made her feel completely useless. As was being a Muggle. Being useless and discriminated sometimes. Maybe that was the reason she was trying to cover up and hide her feelings? Maybe because, if she did reveal them, people would discriminate her? Maybe even hate her?

Anger won the battle over her tears.**_  
  
~Can I scream at the top of my lungs? Until my voice withers away.  
The white snow will forgive me for everything.~_**

****

With mixed feelings, she entered Hogwarts again and didn't even bother to tiptoe or stay quiet. It was just her luck that nobody noticed her, when she entered the common room that late.

Not even bothering to look if someone was still up, she quickly made her way to her room, changed her robes into her night-gown and closed the curtains around her four poster.

She wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. **_  
  
~Can I cry as much as I want to? Until my tears wither away.  
Can I shout loudly? Until my voice withers away.  
Can I cry as much as I want to?  
Can I scream at the top of my lungs?  
Until the snow stops...~_**

****

****

Sorry it took me a bit long to update! That won't happen again! Next chapter is up before Saturday! Review please!


	3. PSII

**Title: **_No Way To Say_**  
Pairing: **_Harry/Hermione_**  
Song: **_PS II (powder snow 2) _**  
Artist: **_Ayumi Hamasaki_**  
Author: **_Nanja_**  
Disclaimer: **_I do not own Harry Potter, etc. That's J.K. Rowling's brilliant masterpiece and I thank her again for her brilliant work!_**  
A/N: **_I'm so sorry for the slow updates.. I was ill and all... This chapter is dedicated to all my internet-buddies and reviewers!  
Hence the lyrics in this one. The song is a sequal to the song used in the previous chapter, so there's some similarity here and there._

**  
  
**The next morning was the first day of Christmas and Hermione awoke from a very short night sleep. The end of her bed was packed with parcels. Still half-asleep, she took one and opened it. 

It was a small, golden-coloured wristband with the name 'Hermione Granger' written on it in a deep red colour, changing from shape every 10 seconds. That gift had been from Ginny. She smiled as she put it on. Another small parcel, an orange one this time. She opened it to find a piece of Cherrybite Chocolate. It had been from Ron. Grinning, she opened the next one, which was from Molly: a sweater. 

She unwrapped some other random gifts and ended up staring at Harry's gift, still wrapped.

Trembling she put it in front of her, crossed her legs and stared at it. An eerie feeling entered her heart as she touched the parcel with the tips of her fingers. Her heart was beating at such a quick pace, she couldn't hear anything else. 

Suddenly she sat up straight and withdrew her hand. What was she doing? She had to get over it. Harry had been a good friend of her from the beginning and just because she was feeling something for him, didn't mean he would sent her a romantic gift. It would be just a christmas gift, with no intentions.

She shook her head as if to convince herself. When did she started acting like this? This was not the Hermione she knew, the Hermione other people knew, and it was getting on her nerves. 

But the problem was, she couldn't remember how she was before she fell in love with him.

**_  
~_****_If there were a trip  
to look back on the past~_**

****

She laughed. She laughed out loud. This was ludicrous! In her mind she imagined Harry's expression if she told him she couldn't remember her life without him. She imagined his laughter and his reply, amazed, questioning maybe doubtfull or noiseless ... But he would ask why she couldn't remember.

**_  
~surely you'd have  
said something about it~  
  
_**

Anyway, she'd be stuck.

But she was stuck already.

The parcel, it was still fully wrapped and mysterious, lying in front of her. It had a strange attraction and she couldn't turn her eyes from it, but she couldn't open it either.

Finally she got herself into opening it.

Inside the parcel were a letter and a book, titled 'Congentital and Erroneously Wizarding Gifts'.

The book had been on her list-to-buy for a long time, but she did not even take her time to flip through it. She hastily opened the letter that accompanied it.

Her eyes flew through the words. He had written a dozen unimportant things, he was rambling about Hogwarts, about the Weasleys and about ... Cho.

At that point her heart stopped beating and silence fell.

**_  
~The only things left are  
the words on this paper~  
  
_**

This could not be true.

This could not be happening.

Not to her.

But it was true and it was happening to her; Harry and Cho were a couple.

Tears escaped from her wide, bemused eyes as she folded the letter, her hands trembling and her heart beating compulsory, out of tact.**__**

**_  
~"Can I cry just because I want to? Until my tears wither away"~_**

****

Like an echo, the letter repeated itself in her head. Over and over again. 

She stood up, sat down, stood up again and completely forgot about Christmas as her tears streamed down her face and she entered the common room, not even taking the effort to wipe them away.**__**

**_  
~"Can I cry just because I want to? Until my tears wither away"~  
  
_**

The common room was not empty nor abandoned as she had hoped it would be.

Harry, Ron, Ginny and Neville were sitting by the fireplace, all of them talking loudly and showing their gifts to one another. Untill she entered.

"Hey, Hermione! Merry Christmas!" said Harry cheerfull, not having the slightest idea that she loved him.

Ginny and Ron stared at eachother and then back to Hermione. Neville smiled at her. Harry held up a bag of Chocolate Frogs, "Want one?" he asked.

Hermione stared at them, with dried up trails of tears on her cheeks and her hands forced into fists. "No. Thank you," she managed to say through clenched teeth.

"Is something wrong?" Harry asked, still in his utterly good, unharry-like, mood.

"Err, I think Hermione and I need a little chat, don't we, Hermione?" Ginny stood up quickly and pulled Hermione into one of the dorms.

"Gin, don't both-" Hermione started, but was cut off.

"I know about Cho and Harry, he told us. Me and Ron," she paused and shook her head "but I don't think he's serious about it-" Hermione sighed and wanted to turn away, but Ginny grabbed her by the shoulders "Listen! I know you. I know Harry. I know you both more than any of you two can. There is no such thing as love, when it comes to Harry and Cho, alright? You need to understand that, because one of you two need to realise it," Ginny said.

"One of us? You mean,.. wait, I can't keep up with you," Hermione stared at her, half-confused, half-convinced she  knew exactly what this was about.

"Look, you are a sane person and sane persons never act the way you're acting now, I've seen that. It's clear you are in love with him. But you are not the only one in love, Harry is in love with you-" Hermione sighed again, but Ginny continued "and there is NO ONE who can tell me the opposite," she paused. Hermione wanted to reply, but Ginny didn't give her a chance. "Harry is using Cho, to see if he can push his feelings aside."

Hermione nodded slowly, frowning. "But why, why would he want to push his feelings aside?" she asked.

"Because he is afraid he might hurt you," Ginny answered simply. "If the two of you are in love, more people will know. More people, including Draco, including the Death Eaters, including Voldemort. Harry doesn't want to take that risk."

Hermione frowned at her. Ginny's imagination and sanity were tangled together once again.

**_  
~If there was something you'd take on this trip,_**

**_ it's your powers of memory and imagination, right?~_**

****

"I'm sure of it!" Ginny told her, nodding at her.

"We'll see about that," Hermione decided, walking back into the common room.

Before Hermione could do anything to prevent it, Ginny pulled Ron into the other room, "Neville, come over here! Ron and I need to show you something! Right, Ron?" Ginny shouted.

"Eh? OH! Right!" Ron assured.

Neville raised his eyebrows, as did Harry. "What is it then?" Neville asked, before walking over.

"Ron got a ... Pluto Plant from dad, he wants to see if you know something about it," Ginny made up, while grabbing the Pluto Plant one of the other students had got for Christmas.

Harry stared at Hermione, who sat down and stared into the fire. It moved and made noises, relaxing noises, making her want to fall asleep. She had just closed her eyes, when Harry suddenly started talking.

"There is something wrong, isn't there?" he asked, his happy mood fading as snow on a sunny day.

Hermione nodded against her will, not taking her eyes off of the fire.

"And I have to do with it, am I right?" Harry replied, now folding his hand together in his lap.

Hermione nodded again and cast her eyes down to the floor. She heard Harry sigh and shift in his chair. "I think it's better not to tell you," she said, feeling uncomfortable and heavy.

"Because it might ruin something?" Harry replied and now it was Hermione's turn to sigh.

_Because our friendship is already ruined_, she thought, _because I am just fooling myself I can be 'just friends' again... _but she replied with a nod.

**_~You arranged the search for the fragment  
from sometime that was already lost~_**

****

She stood up, gave Harry a concerned look and shook her head. "It's better not to talk about it, you have more important problems to deal with at the moment, I'm sure," with that she left the room.

"Merry Christmas to you too," Harry whispered, feeling guilty he had started the conversation.

Hermione ran down one of the corridors and entered an empty classroom. "Because it might ruin something..." his words echoed in her head as she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes.  Had Ginny been true? Was he really in love with her, but too concerned about her to admit? Or had she been wrong and was Harry just afraid they might lose their friendship?

She moaned and screwed her face up. A headache, just what she needed at the moment.

**_~"Can I yell loudly? Until my voice withers away"~_**

****

"It's better not to talk about it," she had told him. _Better not to talk about it! _She thought. It would have been better if she had talked about it and had told him the truth. Then he could judge, wheter their friendship was ruined or not. 

"Damnit," she said out loud and immediately closed it again. That was not really like her, to say things out loud. She shook her head and sighed. 

"Damnit, I love you!" she screamed as she burst out in tears, making fists and slamming them against the wall.__

****

**_  
~"Can I yell loudly? Until my voice withers away"  
Can you hear me?  
Can I cry just because I want to?  
Until my tears wither away.  
Can I yell loudly?  
Until my voice withers away.  
Can I cry just because I want to?  
Can I yell loudly?  
Time has passed..~_**

****

****

Sorry for the slow updates, I was ill and away! But there's only one more chapter to go... please review! - Nanja


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